Sometimes

Sometimes

I feel like death

And others

I feel like dying.

Poignancy

Poignancy


can only last so long


before the deep, raw depression sets in

the raw, clawing gnawing as you stand casually in your house or on the street.



Pervasiveness

runs deeper and deeper, it perseveres



Like water of a gentle brook savagely, slowly ebbing away at the rock it runs through


Life slowly, savagely



                                    finds the route easiest traveled




                                                                                           to erode you.

Almost Nothing

Not much to say here


                                         Except everything that could be said



Which is quite a lot




                                        Almost everything, actually









Yet here we sit

And say nothing

Evergreen Why

Silent Miscarriage:



Sagittarius broke through

                                                  the Leo on the Violin



      The moon was a ship
      As he sailed off forever
      Into dreamless nights





                                                                 You never wanted to be huddled in a sobbing heap on the                                                                         floor of your bathroom on the day of your daughter's
                                                                   seventh birthday...It's supposed to be laughs and fun
                                                                    and smiles. But sometimes you just can't
                                                                      help it.



Frozen Evergreens
Life is a brutal Winter
Erased by the Spring.

Ancient, Anew

Autumn, ablaze~

The inescapable haze

of déjà vu.


                                 The bottles are gone.

The bottles of my smells, the scents of my rooms I'd become so familiar with; gone.

I moved, and so much is here, it seems like too much has stowed away with me somehow,

                                                     just not the things I wanted; the things I needed.

I'm a simple girl, or so I thought.

                                                          What's a jinniyah to do without her bottle?

In what will I drift restlessly across the expansive, endless sea of time?

                                 

                                                                          
                                                                              Answers are found in the past.

Hawaiian Breeze

Escape

away to a foreign land

Anew

Drinking smooth coconut and pineapple makes the sun go down

Aglow

My heart + the southern sunset

A Light in the Darkness

Adventures in Romance #9 ~ About Face

I've just seen a face~

A Night in the Life

The visuals: my apartment kitchen, doing recycled art for one of my university Design II projects ~ a big fish of multi-colored aluminum cans, mostly of energy drinks
                                                                                                        (overwhelming)
The tastes: Lison Pramaggiore Pinot Grigio, "stolen" from my sometime-love
                                                                                                          (bittersweet)
The smells: wax melts of Sweet Pea and apple wreaths and home
                                                                                                       (nostalgic)  
The sounds: Sweet Pea, by Tommy Roe, the refrigerator, car doors outside, a dog barking nearby,
                                                                                                          (melodic)
The feelings: the whirring of the computer fan under my hands and so much pain I can barely stand it
                                                                                                           (                     )



[                                           ]



                                    

Grapefruit

             I found Yoko Ono's book quite by accident, right next to a Joe Orton anthology I was looking at for a theater report. It's called Grapefruit, and it's very abstract. After I was able to take a step back from it and gloss over the fact that it is a bit hippy-dippy-bourgeoisie and just appreciate it for what it was, I realized it's still thought-provoking and enjoyable. It's divided into nine chapters on various arts, the first of which is music. I particularly like:

" TAPE PIECE II

Room Piece

Take the sound of the room breathing.

1) at dawn
2) in the morning
3) in the afternoon
4) in the evening
5) before dawn

Bottle the smell of the room of that particular hour as well.

1963 autumn "

                  I think I like this because I've serendipitously bottled the smells of my rooms at various hours, by burning different wax melts and pouring the used wax into a large wine bottle. I have the sound of the room breathing, only it's not on tape

                                                                                                              and in my photographic memory.

Upbeat Murder Song Night: Part Deux

 I've found myself quite depressed & frustrated recently. Sometimes stress, losing someone, or just the inundations of daily life can make us feel pressured into forgetting that this is just life. We've done this before, and like it or not, we're doin' it again.

Depression is hard for everyone, at different points in life. Especially when you've lost someone dear...in whatever way you lose them. But you wouldn't know laughter without tears. This song I find quite humorous; it allows me to experience the laughter that reverberates into the truth of life.

Upbeat Murder Song Night

Ancient Egyptian Poetry Day~

[I think I'll go home and lie very still]

I think I'll go home and lie very still,
     feigning terminal illness.
Then the neighbors will all troop over to stare,
    my love, perhaps, among them.
How she'll smile while the specialists
                  snarl in their teeth!-
        she perfectly well knows what ails me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[I was simply off to see Nefrus my friend]

I was simply off to see Nefrus my friend,
Just to sit and chat at her place
                                              (about men),
When there, hot on his horses, comes Mehy
            (oh god, I said to myself, it's Mehy!)
Right over the crest of the road
                wheeling along with the boys.

Oh Mother Hathor, what shall I do?
             Don't let him see me!
                                            Where can I hide?
Make me a small creeping thing
            to slip by his eye
                          (sharp as Horus')
                                         unseen.

Oh, look at you, feet-
              (this road is a river!)
                             you walk me right out of my depth!
Someone, silly heart, is exceedingly ignorant here-
                 aren't you a little too easy near Mehy?

If he sees that I see him, I know
                he will know how my heart flutters (Oh, Mehy!)
I know I will blurt out,
                                "Pease take me!"
                                                         (I mustn't!)

No, all he would do is brag out my name,
              just like one of the many...(I know)...
Mehy woud make me just one of the girls
              for all of the boys in the palace.
                                                              (Oh Mehy)

~*~

I guess it's better to have loved & lost, rather than to have never loved at all.


...Or not. C'est la vie.   

Seem to whisper~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_070zWcEuk

Disjoint

It's a good word, disjoint. It's a fairly accurate way to describe my thoughts...my speech, and actions.

Like how quiet I am all the time. Calm. Restrained.

Except when I'm loud. Unstable. Off-kilter.

I am the artist who never paints.
                                                            .......rarely paints. With paints, anyhow.

Some sort of a contradiction. Disjoint. Except when I'm the epitome of _____________.


I can be so brilliant, which is enhanced by my insanity but stifled by my laziness...or was it the other way around?

I operate on that good ol' "Fixed Interval scallop" of behavior...like a pigeon. High functioning right at the very end of alotted time before a deadline. Just like a damn pigeon.

I have flown, but I cannot fly.

Some mornings I wake up [somemourningsIwakeup] and wonder how I got to be an adult. But I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.



So, does anyone wanna hit disjoint?

Tous en choeur, maintenant

"Nothing is Beatle-proof."
                                              -Yellow Submarine




The Beatles are my favorite band, for many reasons ~ catchy beats, genius lyrics, groovy outlook...they're just cool. Most of what I love about their music is how it makes me visualize to the point of grasping what a beautiful time it was produced in. I've always thought I was born in the wrong generation (or reincarnated-- and I forgot to forget), but oldies music in particular seems to let me recreate the peaceful vibrations and happinness in my own experiences. I know every period in history has its problems, but a few dacades ago just seems like a neat time to exist. At the least, the Beatles' music takes me back to good times in my life - even when I just hear them in my ringtone. It makes every call bring a burst of hope with it like when I was a teenager...even if it is usually just a bill collector on the other end.

Sometimes I think it would be splendid just to disappear onto the yellow submarine (where one may inexplicably encounter Uncle Albert). Of course, it's possible that would require the application of psilocybins in the butter pie; we couldn't have that, could we? Better to stick to watching the movie.

And be one with it, man.

They look like they had so much fun.